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Confessions of a Neurotic Single Mom by Homemade
May 2020
18Cleo 2011-2020

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Cleo 2011-2020
May 18, 2020


Cleo died yesterday morning. My babygirl was 9 years old. Still in shock she's gone.

Last Thursday, May 7th, I got up for work, and there was puke piles everywhere, the kitchen, the dining room, the steps going down to the basement. I just knew it was Cleo. I cleaned them up, checked her out, she seemed okay, and I went to work. Well going into the weekend, she was real lethargic, she wasn't eating, but drinking, and when she did, she would puke the water back up, and she was hiding, in the basement, something she never did. Monday I called the vet, and of course, even though I told them she was really sick, they couldn't see her till Tuesday afternoon.

Tuesday, she's no better, no worse, and I take her up, they look her all over, nothing seems to be sticking out that she's sick, so they do 2 xrays, and find nothing. NOTHING. they give her a shot of antibiotic, send her home with more and some anti nausea meds. I start giving her the meds, and she fights me, the pills were huge, and getting the anti nausea liguid down her was horrible, it was like she couldn't swallow. this went on for days and she got worse. The hiding in the basement.. I went down Friday morning and she was laying in water. I brought her upstairs and blocked off the laundry room for her. I get up Saturday morning and come down, and she hasn't moved, I tried getting her to drink from the bowl and nothing, so I fill the med syringe up with water and put it into her mouth. she takes the first 2 full ones, and with the 3rd one, she starts gagging, goes limp, her eyes completely dilate.. I completely lost it. I thought she was dying. she was like that for a good 5 minutes. I was crying, begging her to come back. Finally she did and I got her settled back on her blanket. about a hour later she had went into the bathroom, peed on the floor and was hiding behind the toilet with her face pressed against the wall.

I ran to Walmart and got her pee pads and laid them down, and tried to get her to eat something and gave her more water, and again, it seemed like she went into a seizure, same behavior as before, I started crying again. she came out of it again, I laid her back down and her whole body shook. eventually she settled down. I knew she was dying in my heart, and I refused to let her die anywhere but home. She was always afraid of the car and going to the vet. So I checked on her again before I went to bed for the night.

Sunday morning, I was up at 3am, for work, came down the steps to get coffee, she saw me, and sat up and let out this horrible meow.. her way of saying Mama, come here, I need you. so I laid on the floor with her for about an hour, she tried getting up, when she had another seizure, this time, she peed herself.. I thought to myself, she isn't dying on this cold fucking floor, I picked her up, and took her to her favorite place, her bench by the window, and laid her down. I held her, stroked her fur, her head, told her if she had to go, she could go, everytime I told her I loved her, her little paws would tense up, digging her nails into my fingers.. and her eye would do that slow blink..... I swear she was telling me she loved me back.. by 5 am, she took her last breathe with me holding her telling her I loved her..

I am devastated. how could they not know what was wrong with her?????

Noah can barely function. Jake is internalizing it all. I facedtime Dee right after she died..

I took Cleo to be cremated. I should have her back tomorrow or the next day. Harper is taking it the hardest. Today he has been so sad, and roaming, looking for her, calling for her. Ive caught myself calling for her too. The downstairs just feels so heavy.. its hard.. my eyes keep wondering to the places she always hung out.. the bench.. under the table.. that corner with her purple blanket...

9 years.. god, im gonna miss her.
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