October 25, 2020
Another day with a lot of sleeping involved. I woke up around six, ate some noodles and went back to sleep at 9, setting my alarm for 1p, as my brother and I were supposed to go over and hang out at my dad’s house at 2. That got called off because of rain.
I stayed up last night to watch Adele on SNL, and I’m not even a fan. I wanted to see her weight loss, and I have to say she does look a lot better. She had a crap ton of makeup on, though. When she frowns she looks like she has smoker’s mouth, too.
The skits themselves were rather stupid.
I think I am no longer a meat eater. I haven’t had any since March, and I haven’t missed it. Now just thinking about it disgusts me, especially beef and pork. I would probably still eat chicken breasts, but plain. Eggs are ok, too, but I rarely make them. I have a dozen sitting in the fridge right now.
I am starting to miss sex. It’s been over five years now, and I haven’t sought out a partner or a relationship. I see myself being alone for a very, very long time, maybe for the rest of my life. I get more bored than lonely, and I am just not willing to deal with someone else’s life. I’ve been sober for almost 11 months now, and I cherish that above all. I am finally off of the emotional rollercoaster I was on for 20 straight years.
I have been to the brink of, and probably a step or two over into on numerous occasions, insanity. There were times when I thought I wasn’t coming back. There are also numerous metaphorical bullets that I’ve dodged along the way, and I would have to say I’ve been very fortunate despite my stubbornness.