June 26, 2020
Sitting here at 3 in the morning.
The day before yesterday that old question came creeping back in, the one that no one has an answer for: What is really going on?
Not with me, or society, or planet Earth. Existence itself.
What is going on?
There are countless stars in the universe. Billions of planets just in this galaxy alone. Billions of galaxies just the same.
And here we are on Earth, each for their time, only to disappear into oblivion at the end of a life. Just like an insect. Just gone.
But HOW is this even possible? That is always what has driven me to the brink of madness. How does anything exist, and to such a complexity as we experience or think we know of?
4.5 billions years seems like a long time, but it's just relative. It's the same as a second. Just imagine how fast time will pass when you're dead.
I have asked myself the same questions for almost 30 years, on a near-daily basis, and I still keep wondering what's it all about and how it is. Not how it "came to be." Why it exists in the first place.