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April 2019

Tired
April 14, 2019

My brother came over late this morning after he had breakfast, to help me finish this maddening tax loop I got stuck in.
I've been in a lot of pain and am also dealing with withdrawal symptoms from stopping alcohol use. Had to get back on the meds or I was going to die. I still haven't cycled them all back in yet.
The things I am afraid of are: falling down from a seizure at some point, rupturing my esophagus, possible aspiratory pneumonia. The shakes are minimal, thank God.

I can't lie to my brother when I fuck up like this. I just can't. I also explained to him that when I went out to eat last Sunday with our dad, that I got loaded BEFORE we went to Denny's. He later asked my dad if he could tell, and he said he couldn't, which surprised me. I had to have reeked of malt liquor.
The assholes that make the stuff are continually upping the can sizes and alcohol content, so if I even start with it, I am hooked immediately.
I gave in to the pain and shame and bought it anyway.

I am currently semi-fasting and taking my lactulose again to try and flush my system out. So far it's working, but I don't know about this rib and chest situation yet and what it's all about. I do know that if take a sip of whatever or Ensure, I almost immediately get the chills - which is not a good sign. Thankfully no fever attached with that, but my nose also starts running almost immediately as well.
I'm supposed to have an MRI done on Tuesday, but I don't know if I'll be able to lie on the table without having a sedative.

I figure the VA pretty much told me, last week, that I'm going to have to deal with the pain in my arms, and that no surgery is possible. I didn't complain. We've still got amputees coming back from the Middle East that need work before me.

So I'm still not sold on this CBD oil that people are going apeballs about. We are going to try a higher dosage, but I'm really starting to think it is snake oil. You figure I could get a bag of weed 20 years ago for 20 dollars, but nowadays the hemp oil costs upwards and over 100 dollars, and I didn't see any results with the lower dosage? Yeah, right - that makes sense.
Self-abbreviated
by Zombalaya
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