|Reflect or Forget?|
January 3, 2021
As the World has experienced an horrendous 2020 and that horrible series of events has continued in to 2021, how on earth can we reflect as we enter the fledgling new year?
In the late fall of 2020, we lost our brother Charlie. He was just two years ahead of me and throughout that year he was as strong as an ox, fit as a fiddle and getting on with life as much as we all could. From a Doctors appointment, hospital appointment to palliative care in 2 months. He died in the arms of my sister while I placed my hand in his.
I know that so many have suffered and in the scheme of things, My loss, my family’s loss doesn’t impact on anything or anyone but ourselves. In spite of that, the devastation we are all experiencing, the pain and profound sorrow still leaves us in a state of uncomprehending grief.
For myself, I cannot come to accept that Charlie has gone. Every day has been a living Twilight, a world of shadows, functioning not living as living means.
Going to the grave in which his mortal remains lie with my other brother Dom and my dear Mother and Father, I talk aloud to Charlie and ask him to wake me up from the living nightmare. I ALWAYS expect to see him when I go to the cemetery. Both of us would often meet there bringing fresh flowers to Mammy and Daddy. We would sit a while on the bench and have the Craíc about the day ahead, what has been done said and so on.
Still on my own, I feel so lost. I weep at sight of so many things, so many songs, music, scents. I am haunted by a host of life’s memories.
I’ve no idea where I am going and I tell no one how I feel. They will not see what I’ve written here.
It gives me no peace , no comfort or solace to express my situation here in type. I feel as I do , I’m talking to an empty family cottage in our Ireland 🇮🇪
Reflect? But I know and would rather not experience more pain. Yet how painful can this become? Life’s joys have become a dried up well.
Forget? Absolutely not. So what does remain? A freezing cold Winter ?