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Re-visiting this old friend
August 2, 2021
It’s been a long time since I have written in here. This journal was such a good friend to me for many years. It helped me deal with pain, grief and confusion, and helped me process that which I couldn’t. I half expected it to be gone. Thank you frank for keeping this going.
So, what have I been doing, where did I go?
Life got very busy mainly. Some parts good, some challenging.
Let me see since I last wrote I have lost 2 brothers to cancer, and my 32 year old nephew to stomach cancer. That one was hard.
Another brother had a stroke and was left paralysed down one side of his body, and now resides in a nursing home, as his wife can’t tend to his needs. Actually, his room is opposite my mother in-laws room, who we had to move in there last year, after dementia had set in. She is thriving there, she feels safe and has made friends, which is very good. My brother’s existence though is the opposite, trapped in Alcatraz as he puts it.
My older sister also had a stroke, and is in a different nursing home, she seems happy there, she has some brain damage and thinks she works there, as long as it makes her happy, I’m not going to correct her.
Hubby and I have sorted out our shit and we are enjoying each other’s company again, Yaaay for that.
My son got married two years ago to a beautiful young girl, that he has known since he was a teenager, and we adore her. They are trying to have a baby, so I can’t wait for that to happen. The illness that plagued him since he was 15 seems to have petered out. He still gets sick occasionally, but no where near as bad as he did for all those years. I am so proud of him, for the resilience he has shown and the man he has become. He will be a great Dad.
He is here often, at least 3 to 4 times a week. He usually drops in on his way home from work for a coffee, or to watch the basketball with Dad, and they come for dinner most Sunday nights. I am so glad that he loves to come home so often. They have bought a house and he has taken a big interest in gardening. Its so weird to see him doing all these “adult” things. But he is happy and excited about his future with his wife, and that makes everything we went through worth it. He seems to have done what we did, ended up marrying someone he had been friends with for 15 years. I guess the apple doesn’t fall to far from the tree after all.
Work wise I am very happy. In 2014 my boss, where I was working was retiring and closing the business. I really didn’t want to work for someone else. I took the plunge and followed a dream I had had since high school, to be a photographer, full time and work for myself. It took less then 8 months before I had built up to full time work, and I have been going strong ever since. I love it because I do such a variety of work. Weddings are a big part of what I do, which I love doing. Hubby hates me doing weddings because it is such a huge responsibility… what if something goes wrong?? What if your camera fails?? Its such a long day etc etc, hubby exclaims. But nothing has ever gone wrong, my camera has never failed, and I have a back-up, and yes, it’s a long day, usually 12 to 14 hours, but I love the work, and I’m good at it. I also do family shoots, children and special events etc. Most of this is on weekends, and now my son is out of the house, I don’t mind working weekends at all. During the week I do more commercial stuff, like product photography, which I really enjoy doing, and food photography. I have a contract with Uber eats and Menulog to do their food shots in my city, and that’s great steady during the week work. The money is good, the hours, well I work when I want, and there is so much variety I never get bored. I have booking for weddings up to the end of 2022, but I think after they are done, I will retire from weddings. I will be 65 by then, and I realise, even though I love the work, it is a long day. I have more than enough of the shorter shoots to keep me busy.
If there is one thing Covid-19 has taught me, during our lock-down that went for months and months, is that I don’t ever want to retire. I love working and I love photography. I would be so bored if I was to retire.
Life is quieter for us these days, and I think due to Covid 19 it is for everyone. I am content and I’m happy, but the large frenzied circle I moved in for decades is now a whole lot smaller, and that’s a good thing.
I try not to think to hard about the state of the world at the moment, as there is nothing, I can do to change it, and to think too deeply can bring on anxiety or depression, and I don’t need to take myself down that road.
Hubby was spending too much time on YouTube during lock-down, and became really angry with the state of the world. I’ve made him stop, it’s a senseless exercise.
All in all, my life has settled down. A lot of the pain has gone, most of the questions have subsided and I am at peace.
And thank god for that!
I hope you are all well. Stay safe everyone 
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