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May 24, 2018
I find myself slipping into old habits again and I'm trying to mentally scramble to save myself. I don't know if it's because I'm trying to do too much too soon or if my mind and body are just not on the same page.
My biggest problem is that I am a boredom/emotional eater. I don't know why it seems so hard to stop myself and ask why I want to eat when I'm not hungry. I might be lucky if I stop myself more than once a day. I am trying to eat on a somewhat loose schedule in order to eat less. It works if I keep myself busy, but not so much when I just sit here. So, I guess I just have to keep myself busy or find something else to occupy my mind. And maybe bigger notes on the fridge and cupboard doors.
Second problem I have is walking 2-3 miles daily, which I have no problem walking at a slow pace. Each day, I try to walk at a slightly faster pace, but I feel like I'm walking in molasses. Everyone seems to be walking faster than me, even little old ladies. The muscles in the back of my left knee feel like their burning and I sometimes feel out of breath. I try to push myself because it "doesn't hurt that bad", but I end up walking slower. Then, when I think I'm making progress, it'll rain the next day or it'll be the weekend. I need to walk every day, regardless of the weather. And if I walked on weekends, then Mondays wouldn't be such a struggle.
I think another problem might be my attempt to do a modified plank for 10 seconds and failing. I thought it would be easy to do because I was excited to try it and 10 seconds doesn't seem that long. I can't even hold it for 5 seconds. I can feel myself wanting to quit that, but if I stop… I'll never reach that goal of 10 seconds. Then I might decide to stop something else that might not be giving me the results I was expecting. It's almost like an "all or nothing" attitude, and I don't want to be like that. I will try to keep doing this and tell myself that 5 seconds is better than 1.
I have to keep after me… to force myself until my daily goals to improve my health become habits. And hopefully they become habits before they start feeling like a chore.
Anyway, I just felt like updating this journal… to remind me of problems I have with my goals at this time, and to tell myself to keep going. I don't want to be in the same spot next year.
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"You have not failed until you quit trying." ~Gordon B. Hickley