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One man's junk.... by rambling_trash_man
 
October 2022
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October 2022
March 2022

This, that, and then some.
October 8, 2022

So where do I start. How about the fact that I started this and haven't continued on a regular basis like I told myself I would. Or how about the fact that I have been single for 4 years and have fallen for someone twice only to get either dropped in the friend zone or just ghosted all together.

Well here I am for a 3rd time. Met this magnificent women on a social media app. We have spoken several times just not face to face. We have shared many details about our lives to each other. Not everything but a lot. I get butterflies when she texts me. I smile every time. I wake up and the first thing I want to do is text her. I can't because I am up several hours before her. I do text her usually by 7 am every day. I text her goodnight and fear that I am going to wake up the next day and its all a dream and there is really nobody there.

I had a dream about her. Yeah I know a dream so what? Dreams don't mean anything. That's what I have been told anyways. This dream though feels different. I remember the entire dream. Every detail. Every move she made. Even the smell of her perfume. Even as I type this I can still actually smell it.

I know what I feel. I cant fully explain it but its something I have not felt in a very long time. I have no idea if she feels anything for me and frankly I am to afraid to ask her. Why? Fear of rejection, fear of losing our friendship, fear that I will never feel this way again.

I told her about this dream I had. She was pretty surprised because she said there were things that she did not tell me that were in this dream. It wasn't sexual at all. It was very personal, if you will. I feel comfortable with her. Its to the point that I have gone out of my comfort zone on a few occasions for and to her. I am really having trouble with this just because of how strong I feel.

I am not a religious man by any means nor is my faith in anything real strong either. In the last 4 years so much has happened in my life that I am beginning to think that bad things are my way of life kind of deal. I don't want to think that way but I can not help it.

I have spoken to 2 people about this (not including her) and they gave some solid advice but it was they both were totally opposite of each other.

So I will put an entry in my forum with the same title. Feel free to leave any comments, questions, or advice you like.
 
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