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Amanda22Jane. by Miss Integrity
December 2021

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Come On January......
December 17, 2021


What a day it's been.
Mostly bedrest. Now that my general health is moving in an upward trajectory, I no longer feel at ease spending prolonged periods of time in bed. Bed has been one of the most important places in my life for at least a decade, and that's not a completely generous estimation either.
First, clinical depression then profound fatigue as a direct result of severe trauma and finally fibromyalgia. (Also a direct result of same trauma ~ early 2014.) Just...about...there...

My immediate community doesn't feel so unsafe anymore. The fear is leaving me. I've really put some recent effort into MAKING it safe for me. (FEE).

I walked across the complex to the resthome hoping to find the new manager in, but she wasn't working today. I have a form to give her. It's late as it is but the span of a weekend won't matter. What matters is that I set aside any personal feelings and political/legal issues and complied.
(I don't want her to keep it, I want her to scan it then give it back to me. Pretty sure that this will be fine.)

After that I walked to my favourite supermarket and got the rest of my food. The cats meals are always the first shop on Wednesdays. Always. This is an important part of sobriety putting others first.

Just about there with the dress for a neighbour. I'll post a photo when it's finished. Hopefully tomorrow...

22:17 on a still, quiet Friday night.
There is a slightly misshapen almost full moon. It's glowing brightly and has a unreal presence which openly declares : "I own the night sky and this is my kingdom. These stars are my courtiers and the clouds my royal linen curtains. Behold me earth people and rejoice in Him who created me well."

I got some more lamb steaks. Two packs of them. I love steaks. Salmon steaks, hapuka steaks, beef steaks, lamb steaks. Any kind of steak. Even eel steaks!
Can't live without Greek yoghurt either. The kind with honey in it.

It's taken me three days to eat my box of Roses chocolates. A "miracle". Never happened before.
My body is not accepting much food in it these days. Tired of being overweight. I've got an apron on my abdomen which I absolutely hate but have been working on accepting. The more I accept it, the more I can let it go. I hate my fat butt and arms too. The more I accept these parts of me, the more I can let them go. The paradox of healing.

I made a lamb and white vegetable, with basmati rice stir fry for lunch. Two helpings. Delicious. Small bowl of toasted muesli with yoghurt, banana and skim milk for dinner along with the last of the Roses chocolates.
(They were in the Christmas treats shopping bag we received on Sunday gone, from Altrusa International. A womens' business group.)

Did a little more sanding on the front door. It's looking much better. And I feel better about living in this tiny space.

Cats are in for the night. Baby boy on the foot of the bed and Dekks on her high perch (ironing board). I've removed the ironing covers and put her bed blankets in its place. She's been sleeping there for a month now. The ironing board takes up space but for her? ANYTHING to keep the little alpha princess happy.

Gardens look amazing. I'm secretly very pleased with the results of several years work.

Enjoying YT and Nflix. Comedy especially. Helping me to laugh again. Literally forgotten how to laugh.

And the blessings keep rolling in. I am blessed.

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