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Amanda22Jane. by Miss Integrity
December 2021

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As Near As Across The Ditch.
December 1, 2021

I have to stay clean from news reading and I am...
Today, several rays of Providence shone through for me via several other members of my local community.

Firstly : as of 23:59 p.m. Thursday 02nd December, our Covid Traffic Light system begins nationwide. Auckland region is still a red zone. Still locked down and basically impenetrable except for essential workers and those with legit documentation to pass through its borders for whatever purposes. I hope they are doing okay. It worries me. The largest demograph of NZ's population live in the Auckland region. City of Sails, I hope and pray that you start sailing again soon. I pray for my family every day. Several members of my family along with their spouses and children, or my siblings adult children live there.
It's heartbreakingly real just how difficult this is.

Secondly : as of Friday 03rd December, every vaccinated New Zealander must have a legal Ministry of Health vaccination pass. Just signed up for mine and am waiting for it to be issued. Takes approximately 24hours.

Thirdly : Covid19 Omicron is in Sydney Australia just across the ditch. 5 active cases.

Fourthly : our local supermarket shelves are empty. I'm stronger than ever because of this and work at seeing the positive side of supply. The half full glass it is...we still have stock. Maybe not a full range but we still have stock. It's okay.


Day 6. This just keeps getting better and better. 38 episodes left of MOM to watch, then a week's break and then I start over at Season One. A meeting without a meeting for me.

We did have a morning tea today. It was and wasn't pleasant. I was so brave. Then I visited with a moderately safe neighbour. She has been, in the past, reporting information I share with her back to the landlord. I asked her to stop doing this. I keep her information confidential and why THE FUCK can't she?

Helping others is king, I can't afford to let others prevent me from practicing this important principle. It's a sobriety given.

I've recently experienced a "falling away" like tall trees in a dark heavy sombre lugubrious forest and the lightness is incredible. Gratitude is coming easily right now and it feels good. I'm still detoxing...still feeling not myself and apart from writing it here, I keep it to myself.
(That's a blatantly naive discrepancy.) Who cares. I do not. My journal.

Omicron is going to arrive at our shores. NZ's borders will be opened by Christmas. We gotta get going...

Meetings are on. Just some. (Been x2.)

Felt like I was melting on my walk in to town for shopping. Bank atm, The Warehouse (not unlike Target chain, USA) for a new pair of earbuds...gotta stop thrashing these, as well as two small bottles of perfume on sale. Supermarket next for my first round of food shopping, then home...

Been without music since Friday last week. Earbuds wouldn't work and neither would the new bluetooth boom speaker I just bought last week. Will give it a try again in a month...doing my head in. It's worked for a day then went dead...not broken...don't know what to do...didn't come with instructions...was meant to...said so on the other pamphlets in box.

Happy with the weight loss.

Living with much less anxiety and depression. PTSD complications have also lessened ; chronic side of this disorder is no where NEAR as strong as they have been for the last eight years. What a wonderful blessing recovery is right now for me. My overall daily suffering is lifting. Finally. I must be doing something right. Good.

I have never felt so safe online either. My time is nearly at an end though and I'm not going to miss it at all. It's been quite a ride. Quite a ride indeed. I look forward to forthcoming years spent in living otherwise. I'm grateful for social media platforms and the internet.

Rained throughout yesterday and it was a lovely cooler day. Today is half sun (morning) & rain (afternoon/evening.)

Onto a third viewing of The Queen's Gambit. I don't know how to play chess. Think I'll learn how to but it's gotta be played with the right person and that would be a partner for life. A private player.
I don't think I'll ever play cards again with a real person. Card playing is dangerous for me. It's a gamble that has nothing to do with money.

I love elegance and femininity but...I don't really know how to do it. So painful. Crying...I love being given flowers too. The only bunch I've been given was by my daughter's dad months after we were together and he stole them from the garden of a client's house where he was working at the time. He also got caught. The lady of the house asked my daughter's dad who were the flowers for? She was pissed but just to heap coals on his head, she made him pick a few of the most choicest of her prized roses to add to the bunch, THEN told him never to do that again. He was (& still is,) a building tradesman. I personally never want to lay eyes upon him again. I personally, want to lay something else on him, but I don't want to go to jail.

I recently broke the tresspass order against the most recent ex by chatting to him through the open passenger window on his vehicle down main street. He left a voicemail a few days later but I text him back that I still want nothing to do with him, and I was just saying 'hi' that has improved incredibly well without him.

Margaret Urlich,
NZ singer/songwriter :


Wishing you an amazing next 24 hours MJ.


"Time waits for no one ; it simply builds life upon itself or destroys it."
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