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Amanda22Jane. by Miss Integrity
 
November 2021
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Time Has Ramped Up Its Pace.
November 14, 2021

Though life is still busy in the slow lane, it really seems like time has sped up. I don't know where the days are going to so fast and I'm definitely doing less but doing less well and very differently.
Acceptance of the difficulties in life is slowly getting me somewhere. It's not easy accepting exactly the way some parts of life are.
Started practicing being satisfied.
It's been 27 months now since I began this new journey of getting sober. Wow. The longest time spent trying in more than a decade. And it's actually getting quite exciting this journey. The work and effort is paying daily for itself. Just as it should be.
Love it.

This week should be good.

Been exercising daily. I have to do this carefully because of my health conditions yet surprisingly it's not as scary as I thought it would be. That's heartening.

Made a delicious soup today for a main meal. Raw oats with banana and yoghurt for breakfast. Food is becoming real important in a brand new way. I'm eating less and eating often most days but not today. It's a lot of work there too. This week will be fresh salads and lean beef and lamb steaks. Really need to cut back the complex carbs. Walking schedule hasn't been working out. Exercise program and walking is too much for me, so I'm just going to walk twice this week, not three times.

Less gaming too. I'm so far behind with projects, but not really worried about it.

I keep forgetting to tell my doctor about the headaches...tonight's one is gone thank goodness. Didn't take anything for it.
I get so tired.

I've forgotten what it's like to have fun. I feel guilty for having fun. I'm not even sure that I know how to have fun. I equate fun with children now. They naturally know how to have fun, enjoy playtime and recreation. I don't deserve fun.

I used to equate fun with getting as high and drunk as possible and staying that way for as long as possible. It's great to have movies and shows to watch. A lot aren't fun though, they're hard work.

I love listening to children play. That's joy to me. If I can't have fun, I can always appreciate those who do. Having fun is a support group exercise for the week. Not me. I don't think so. It's enough to laugh and even that is not easy. I'm trying. Too damn hard some days.

Thunderstorm season is invigorating. Can't get enough of drama. It's humid and hot. I'm literally having barely warm or ice cold showers.

My gardens are beautiful. Four and a half years to make. Now it's barely work at all.
(I think recovery works that way too.)

00:40 a.m.

 
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