October 11, 2021
Gram has dementia. I don't know if I've said that here or not. It seems like she's worse every day. My mom is the main person doing her running & whatever needs done at her house. The uncle that's here is nothing but a mooch. So I've been trying to be more supportive of my mom & run gram here & there, Today we were talking about my grandad (my first love, the man who raised me) & she didn't remember how close I was to him or how much time growing up I spend with them & that broke my heart. They were my safe place, my second home. He was the only man who ever unconditionally loved me. When he died 4 years ago, I have never felt that pain before or after. It's not important, but it just breaks my heart how little she remembers. The sad thing is I know it will get worse, not better.
Blah. I wish I could go back to being a kid. I miss my grandad. I miss my gram before this. Fuck.