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|February 21, 2021|
February 21, 2021
I don't think I mentioned this yesterday, but I'm in Dublin, Ireland specifically. Today I went to the city center for the first time. I usually have a bad habit of just laying around all weekend trying to recover from the week, but I didn't today. That's great! Right?
I think so. But I've felt super anxious all day. 2 of my roommates went with a small group to a harbor and went on a hike. I went to the city alone. This has left me somehow feeling bad about myself, despite following through my plan of going into the city this weekend.
I guess it's because I wish to be a part of a group. I'm used to not having many friends (basically since I started college) and spending time alone, but it gets to me sometimes.
And this isn't about how I wish I would've gone hiking instead of to the city. I'm okay with how I spent my day. The city was great. But when I saw what my roommates had done, it hit me that I had spent the whole day alone. How the fuck are they even meeting people? Level 5 lockdown has made it virtually impossible as far as I can tell.
Fuck, this is a stupid problem that I'm having and it's a little embarrassing to even complain about it but I had to put it out somewhere.
So I guess that the main theme of this entry is loneliness. Cool. I remember one time I asked my friend if he ever thought about the possibility that he wouldn't ever get married, because I had, and he said to me, "TheCousinOfDeath, you worry too much." I think he's probably right.
But I can't help but think. Statistically speaking, some portion of the world's population does end up alone. Those people do exist. And I could be one of them.
Okay, that's enough negativity for one entry. Time for something positive. I had a good time in the city. I got to see some beautiful architecture and graffiti, it was like nothing I had ever seen before. And I figured out how to use the bus system.
I also got the bathroom cleaned today. I have 3 more months here in this beautiful city in this wonderful country. And I've journaled 2 days in a row. Flex.