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Total Exertion. by Amanda22Jane
 
June 2021
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Truly Tired On Thursday...
June 10, 2021

... for the last 10 days straight I've been dealing with a manageable part of the pain of trauma. Today, this morning, I finally gave myself up completely to the process and surrendered. It felt so good to reach this place that I thought I'd never get to. The difference is so very tangible on the inside of me. I feel so light. I felt so readily vulnerable in a way that I struggled to cope with. Had five decent tokes on a joint.
That's two times this year and once November last year. Weed for this alcoholic (& I can only talk for myself here,) is nothing more than solid alcohol. Four times this year, it's been a struggle to say no to marijuana. Two of those times, I didn't. Today was the second time this year. I still haven't had a drink... until now.



FUCK IT... I'm buying. Wanted to go to a meeting tonight... meetings have really fallen off...fuck this is slightly messy. Why is recovery never straightforward...sorry.
 
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