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Total Exertion. by Amanda22Jane
October 2020

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Fibro And Work.
October 26, 2020

I have to work. There's no two ways about this. I have work to do and I can't allow others to try and interfere with the work that I choose to do, control what I do or trash it with disrespectful behaviour out of their own ego and insecurity. Or for whatever reasons they do it.
I am totally aware that I am surrounded by sick people. I can't afford to have my recovery compromised by other people's sick behaviour. At ALL. I catch myself getting quick to criticize and get angry (on the inside) yet again. It heals some, then starts to unravel. I end up feeling like shit for days not anyone else.

I did good today. I got angry while I was working though. Over this one particular woman who is a control freak. She came in and did something to The Lounge over this long weekend and her behaviour has ruined my weekend because I have had to text her and tell her to just leave things the way they are. She pisses me off. She's a loud angry caregiver who is retiring and needs something to do in retirement. Well she's not pissing me off anymore. She's called a meeting an hour before this week's afternoon tea and I am taking another resident with me to it. I'm the only resident on this Tea Committee. Maybe I'm inadvertently knocking around with the Tea Party politicians. Who knows. Now I feel better.
Plus sleazeball neighbour has been drinking, swearing, getting angry and fucked off in a loud intimidating way, and went off in his vehicle drunk. I heard all this because I was outside round the corner painting the advertising board.

Nearly finished it. A hell of a job. Not quite right. The back was hell to paint but the front was heavenly to paint. And the paint is high gloss enamel AND I had to paint the back of it because it never has been painted and it looked awful. At least it's not an industrial yellow of the ancient variety which reminds me of phlegm. Fucking gross.

I need to do something about my need to be critical. Someone may have given their all to paint it and get it made. It is well made and old in a lovely way. The props are really elegant. Just the colour was not very nice. Yellow is fine, if it's an uplifting warm yellow. I had a pale blue~grey enamel and that worked. It's not too institutional looking. Tomorrow I place corner designs on it in matte black, then spray it with a sealer.

I feel better now and don't want to write twice tonight. (Write on as well as here, I mean.)

Spent a lot of time in the kitchen cooking today. Made a small lentil loaf and a beef mince stew with peas and plenty of herbs and garlic. A really delicious dinner. Really good food. Usual rolled oats/oatbran soaked in soy milk with Greek yoghurt and sliced banana for breakfast. A load of water today. No walk. Definitely tomorrow.
Still no floor exercises.

Sweet Release.

Woke up this morning and it has taken me half an hour to realize that I am PAIN~FREE.

I'm in the right frame of mind today that has been strengthened thus : no fucker is going to trash this beautiful spiritual joy that has settled within me. No~one. Whether it be online or through my daily walk in the community. Keep your shit to yourself if you don't want to deal with it.

Have a nice day.
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