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Total Exertion. by Amanda22Jane
 
October 2020
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Where Are You?? (Updated.)
October 9, 2020

22:51pm.

Had what I thought was just going to be a nap this afternoon as I didn't get to sleep until 4:30am this morning and only slept until 8:40am. My "nap" lasted for five hours. Got dressed in exercise clothes and walked a cheat walk: 5 circuits of my block anti~clockwise, so I got in the benefit of walking up that fucker of a hill and not down it. I live on a block of terrain that is straight out of an Escher painting. How they built that street on a hill when all three other streets are basically flat, I don't know. So five circuits of my block it was, and I did it until I perspired. The fifth time round, I didn't think I could do it. But I did it. And felt better for it. I woke up at 19:25pm, just half an hour before dark, which cut out my goal to walk "the marathon." Tomorrow is another day...

I've eaten well today. Three Weetbix, a little br. sugar, calcium fortified milk, one sliced banana. That was lunch. I'm gradually titrating my use of sugar. My doctor told me not to give it up altogether. She's right. It's working. I can't handle anything too sweet anymore. For dinner I heated through a restaurant meal (Covid19 distribution). They come in small tin oblong, 1&1/2 cup servings : vegetarian pasta topped with breadcrumbs and a hint of grated cheese. It was delicious. I also whipped up a batch of brown lentil fritter batter and fried 6 small patties. Also delicious. I am still eating the remaining Asian salad. It needs to be finished today. Dessert was a frozen yoghurt icecream on a stick.

I had a busy rest of the morning. Recovery work, then out to do my food shop. Cat people come first on a Wednesday. I always do their food first now. Still feeding four regularly. (I've named the ginger and cream stray Calico.) Huck Finn only calls by once or twice a week and I feed him a big feed. He's the dearest stray to my heart. I love him so much but he won't stay put. He's a true transient and that makes me love him all the more.

Ive met this guy called Bobby. I'm in love with him and I haven't seen him in a while. Friends is where it all begins with me. I miss you Bobby very much. Where are you? I'm taking a huge risk doing this. I hope you're doing well baby. I hope you're happy. God bless you Bobby.


💜💜💜.🍃🌻🐞🐩


I'm glad and very grateful that Raconteuse has brought up the subject of Wayward Heart and I've been kinda nervous to mention it here. I too have been worried sick about her. The difference being with this absence, is that usually she leaves an indication of something which would likely prevent her from journalling here. This time there was nothing. I've been checking every day. 8 days now. Instead of worrying I'm going to pray. Please join me in your elected spiritual way to send love and whatever else W💜 might need right now.

Doing my long walk today. Yes. That FUCKER. It scares the shit out of me.
Working on myself. JUST. MYSELF.
A steady uncomfortable trudge with emotional pain coming in manageable amounts. My gratitude is great today. Call me crazy, but I'm actually enjoying the journey. It's not easy but it is getting better. I do the work, I feel better. Do some more work, feel better. Getting real isn't so scary. Anymore. And for that I am grateful. So very grateful.
The best news is that my resentment list AND my gut is shrinking. Not feeling hunger ravaging my body. The resentment list is not for the uninitiated. Sorry.

 
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