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2018 by Marianne
 
February 2018
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February 2018

searching ....
February 26, 2018

i find myself soul searching tonight
which is the worst alone at night deprived of sleep because as much as u just want to shut ur brain down and ignore ur thought we all know thats impossible
its hard to put into words as fast as they are going threw my head ... everything just ends up crashing into each other
the most simple way to put it is that i feel like im suffering
every nerve in my body is begging to feel his touch
and that wasnt a sexual statement
not that the sex isnt mind blowing because it is
i want his everything touvh
the im him everything touch
to know that when his arms are around me im safe im wanted .... im home
its almost like a dull pain when he walks by and i dont get it time and time again i dont get it and my body throbs
i fell head over heels for him and everyday i got butterflys waiting for his text or the next time i would see him
i could go into a blissful state just being tangled in him
but then he stopped and i went cold
i want to try i want to give him every effort until i am out of breath and about to break
but im so scared that even tho we are together that he will reject me
and i never thought that while in a relationship that rejection would be a fear but its so real
everything sounds so perfect in my head but then when i think i gain the courage to say or do what i think will put a spark in the air i freeze
i freeze with insecurity and hesitation and the moment moves on
then i sit angry at myself feeling bottled up and trapped in my own head because i cant let it out
maybe ill try tm .... or the next day ....
 
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