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The best revenge in this life, is to not be like your enemy.
January 14, 2022

So much happens in such little time. I was surprised Rowan did not clean on Wednesday and she told me later Himself had cancelled the cleaning day.

Herein lies the dilemma: Our children are paying her. Technically she does not answer to just one person and BabyBoy I told her to help me as much as I needed. She has houses keys and a ferry card now to run our errands or take us to doctors appointments. Then she told me he cancelled his checkup with the Doctor here. And the follow-up. She said it is obvious he is still running a fever. It has never returned to normal. He cancelled the appointments because after the last one, he was told to go to the hospital. He came home, the doctor called me, to see if we were on our way. I was pretty stunned.

Rowan told me he told her no one but him is to have anything to do with his medical care. Again. She pointed out the kidney infection could be damaging his kidneys. She pointed out someone has to take care of him after the first hip replacement then when he considered healed enough, then the other hip. Then, what about cancer surgeries and treatment? She said he just looked at her.

Just before bedtime, the night before last, suddenly he was his old self again, to tell me the Trust Board members were dropping by tomorrow for Tea and Wine and treats, could I throw something together by eleven? Socially distant, masked, on the far porch.

For fun, I counted words he spoke the whole day yesterday until bedtime: Fifteen.

A whole week demanding and insisting on his right to self-determination and no one telling him what to do, he needs no help, now a tea and wine social with a few of the most important members of the Trust and a couple of important provincial government folks? They have been so nice, checking on how he is doing, offering to help. Of course he turns them down.

Before I could pull myself together to try and think if we even had supplies to make anything, Bonnie called. Their daughter had a blinding headache and was taken to the hospital. Pre-eclampsia and they hope to keep the baby inside at least another week.

Back in December I was do worried about her when she was visiting. Her fingers looked like Vienna sausages and her face and neck were so swollen it scared me. She was taking Tylenol in huge amounts for her never-ending headache and I was floored at how bad she looked. Following this family's rules, I didn't say anything but hugged her (she had quarantined and tested negative before I saw her) and went into full-on Southern Mama mode, trying to spoil her a little. Later I learned she had only seen a Nurse Practitioner and it had been two weeks. My husband told me not look for trouble!

There is a big difference between SEEING trouble staring you in the face and going LOOKING for trouble. Neve mind I had pre-eclampsia and have the kidney damage left from it. I belonged to the American Pre-eclampsia Foundation for over thirty years and attended workshops. It seems to run in my family. Never mind "elderly" expectant mothers are at a much higher risk. Or, remember our daughter-in-law suffered terribly from it when our grandson was born? Has he forgotten that...oh wait, he was in the hospital himself. That was why I could not go to help. Our son hired night nurses and help when she finally came home from the hospital. All those thoughts rushed through my mind.

So I very calmly asked later when was her last prenatal check, she had missed it to come home to visit. Bonnie told me she had never heard of Pre-Eclampsia or Eclampsia!

Bonnie literally got herself out of bed with terrible bronchitis and got off to the ferry. Someone has to look after their grandson. I sure can't leave but honestly, looking after a little boy in a nice part of Victoria with buses and taxis and food deliveries would be a holiday! We get along great, he is four and a half, goes to day care close enough to walk to when it is open. There is a park and her sweet dog is lovely. And I feel so guilty for thinking that.

Anyway, I rose at my normal time, made Oatmeal Walnut Lace Cookies and Scottish Shortbread, straightened and polished and picked out a nice tablecloth for I could tell it was going to rain, And it did. Woke Himself up, did medications and food, off to shower and picked out a nice button down and sweater for him. These people are the sort whose homes are in magazines and win awards. In both Canada and the States and a few have homes too in the UK.

They were all so nice. None under seventy-five but still very active in all sorts of things, political and social and artistic and altruistic. I even put on one of my last best cashmere sweaters, kind of a lovely heathered lilacs colour with a ballet neckline. Bit more make up but not much to do about my hair, not been cut professionally in two years!

A local artist hand made a card for Himself. It was so cute and charming and witty and they all had signed it, plus a bunch of the community business men. It is suitable for framing, on gorgeous paper, his art work is so full of life and charm. I could put a link to his studio but don't think so.

As they all said yesterday, these islands are becoming too well-known. The farmers and Permament residents are horrified at the huge McMansions being built, the huge tax increases, the trees being razed for views. One gentleman told me later he knows of at least three people that want this property to build a huge house on. Tear down these. Over two acres land too, so a good size for a McMansion like the one two properties down.

They all were shocked he is not using that walker and I had to go get the cane because he hid it begore the first nice lady showed up. She uses a cane, due to arthitis and balance issues! They were all surprised he hadn't gone to hospital. Even with the shortages of staff. He was so obviously running a fever, but as akways, was charming and funny and lots to say.

It was so nice, hearing him talk. But puzzling. By the time everyone left, he was white with exhaustion and pain. Good thing I had quietly fetched his cane and slipped it on the back of his chair.

I went down to close and lock the gates, he is becoming obsessive about the gates closed and locked. When I got back inside to clean up, he was back in his recliner, cane near by, and didn't speak again until supper.

Heat was just radiating from him in waves. We watched a few episodes of a series he likes, did late night medication and I put him to bed.

And he is still asleep this morning. He refused to eat anything even though two medications are to be taken with food. He refused Tylenol for the 102F fever. Got him back to bed after changing the sheets, they again, were soaked through.

Word count today: No. No. Don't want anything. A bunch of horrible scary moans and groans as he walks, I stay close, because he often yells for me to help when he is afraid to take another step.

Rowan told me anger is really common with a bad cancer diagnosis plus the constant pain from the Necrosis is wearing him down. It is terrible pain, everyday worse and worse.

So, here I am. Weeks more of this, the constant fear of the hips and pelvis shattering, his absolute rage and disgust when he has to take the FosaMax and Calcium and Vitamin D. His throwing away the Breathing treatment machine.

I used to go to his MeanOldMum's condo with his sister to oversee Mum's medications and check on the state of her house. Mum ranted and raged about the FosaMax. She called it old ladies' meds, She wanted her coffee now! Grapefruit juice! Once she dashed to the refrigerator and grabbed a bottle of grapefruit juice and chugged it down right begore our shocked eyes. Imagine the results of that. ThirdSisterInLaw took her to the ER that time. I went on to a school function of our younger son's. Never said anything to my husband but his sister did call later.

Lots of people take FosaMax. They are trying here to save his bones or some of them.

This urinary tract/kidney infection can explain a lot of this, the fever too. These rages are completely new, so unlike him but it has been a tough two to three years and this never ending Covid isolation and medical care problems are breaking our backs.

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