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April 2019
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The right mix of chaos and love...
April 12, 2019

Is it still possible to believe that love will bring order out from the chaos? I used to believe that with my whole-heart.

Yesterday, a new chaos popped up in my life, and of course, that means it popped up in my family’s lives too.

With all the chaos of moving house, traveling and the day-to-day challenges of chronic illness, I confess I had become a bit lax keeping in touch. I haven’t even been gone six months and it just shocked me at how long it had been since I returned phone calls with one of my cousins. Texts, yes. Funny ecards, certainly. However, it is the real phone calls, voices reaching out, I seriously believe Skype and FaceTime are contradictory to letting walls down anyway. No excuses but lots of reasons why I lost close contact. Christmas was the last long phone call.

Sitting at Himself’s big desk yesterday, I placed the birthday card I carefully purchased for my last, living maternal aunt. Special American stamp, cute pictures of our grandchildren. I just thought to write a few thoughts here first, about some joking recently that the only way I will ever be retired is when I land in a little-old-ladies’ home. Or die!

In comes a text, just a few words...”Mama died early this morning. Can you get here for service?” Everyone has trouble understanding that I cannot travel yet. My Permanent Resisent status depends on it.

Yet. Everything inside tells me, I should be there. For so many reasons it would take hours to list.

Then, I braced myself for the next lines...”Could you please tell your mother and Uncle Michael?” A few heartbeats later, “Your sister and brother too, and Steve and Connie and Matt.”

All this triangulation as the therapists used to call it. Lots more than three points thought.

Sooooo, once again, I get to be the bearer of sad news and the go-between in thus fractured family. My sister and I have long dreaded thus day, for we know exactly how hard this is going to hit our mother and yes, father, too. My father had lost both his sisters in the past year and it still hurts him a lot. This is the last of my mother’s sisters, they were three famous in the way of rural areas, the Gorgeous C. Sisters. Mother was the middle one, my aunt who just died was the baby sister, four years younger than my mother.

Sure enough, death gets people at least speaking to each other. Sort of. All my communication will be with my father, my sister will handle our mother and I will deal with our brother who has stopped speaking to both our parents.

All the cousins will talk to me. Never stopped talking to me anyway. We are still having tests done to make certain my husband is strong enough go for his upcoming surgery so, yes I am a wee bit distracted.

And speaking of distractions, our father is lighting up my phone. I suspect he is having hearing issues and this is easier. I don’t envy his trying to deal with Mother’s upset.

Egads.



 
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