| | understanding
March 24, 2022
~ Understanding yourself is power. Loving yourself is freedom. Forgiving yourself is peace. Being yourself is bliss.
I am on a lifelong path to understanding and accepting myself. Who I am, where I fit, who my people are. A lot of this comes with some challenging hard looks at my past. I am learning to love myself, forgiving as well as learning to love and value myself and what I give to the world. I crave being seen, valued and loved from others. I need to cultivate that for myself as well. Because it is me that matters most.
I need to love myself first, most and always.
I have a fetish. The mind. I absolutely enjoy understanding how I and others think. I love to push the envelope too. Wolf calls me intelligent. And I love that. However I don't think I am. Why the hell that is is beyond me?!
With a diploma, degree and masters degree under my belt, I consider myself a lifelong learner, and am considering looking into studying psychiatry in the future...you would think I would see that in myself wouldn't you? But I somehow don't.
I still have to look up how to spell the word psychology and diarrhoea. Intelligence doesn't coincide with some things apparently?! And of course intelligence and diarrhoea don't necessarily go hand in hand either. Maybe they do?! lol. I console myself with the knowledge that some things are just not important enough to remember, and I know I have tools, strategies and know how to solve the problem of spelling them when I need to 
What I do know about myself is my own awareness of who I am, the way I think, my emotional intelligence and willingness to be open to changing my own way of thinking if I need to. I have a deep desire to learn, to feel, to question and experience and to understand. Myself, others and the world around me.
I sat on the phone as I often do with wolf and our conversation runs fluidly from one topic to another as we dance around each other, drawing out thoughts, examining who we are and developing our understanding of each other.
He makes me laugh often, question, seek information, clarify my thinking. It's intoxicating for me and a complete turn on. Not only the intelligence, mind connection but the focus/attention I suppose he gives me during those times, but also his voice- the accent and undulating tones. Sexy.
A mind fetish. Cant say I mind that.
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