March 16, 2022
Doctor visit today didn’t improve matters. She is definitely worried about the possibility of these symptoms indicating pneumonia developing. Changing meds and have to reassess in a few days. May have to isolate for the full 21 days like immune suppressed people.
That’s frustrating. But I AM tired. Very tired. Sore chest and the coughing can go away like yesterday.
We will see.
I have been trying to help it- exercise, shower, salt air. Anything to shake it.
I am trying to keep busy. I’ve reorganized the pantry. Tidied up some areas inside. But that only holds my attention for so long. I’ve been shopping online for a party outfit that is Shibari/rope themed.
I have been looking for some dance shoes to return to club jive and start tango lessons.
I am looking forward to that for sure.
Wolf is ok from what I can tell. Maybe the other day feelings were fleeting and have resolved themselves. Maybe it was me?
* * *
I had a psychology appointment yesterday, the first in about 3 months. And it was good to talk about the progress I have made. The unsafe feeling that has resolved itself once I picked myself up and put my life back together. Concentrating on me, experiencing the world. Seeing the value in my self and the world around me. We talked about continuing to set my boundaries and using the tools of saying - sounds good, let me get back to you before I commit to something. I talked about relationships (ex plus children) and setting boundaries, and tough love in some cases. It was interesting. We talked bout the peace I know feel instead of the fight/flight responses from a survival brain and pushing through that to a more strengths based, relaxed, clear thinking brain. The brain tries to resist the process because the fight/flight is familiar. And it wants to return to that state. Hence the fear or unsafe feeling. But it’s so nice to push through that and realise my own strength, traits, boundaries and characteristics that are empowering and all my own. This
I think he was surprised at how far I have come.
I will keep working on slowing down, staying present and ensuring I carefully consider my needs and put them to the forefront.
It’s like alcoholism. You just can’t (well I can’t) lower the guard down for a day. It needs daily focus.