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Emotional Mess by carol15
October 2020

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October 19, 2020

A guy was supposed to come down and see me yesterday. He didn't come because I uninvited him. Why? Because he turned out to be an asshole. For some reason, the memory I had about him from when I met back in February is different than what is. I mean I remember him pursuing me more aggressively than I like, but he had also become a man I wasn't interested in. So I thought the behavior was more in my head than not.

I don't know how to describe how he was acting. Actually, yes I do. He was acting like a child and pointing a finger at me. Giving me short responses when I asked him what was wrong. I'm not by any means saying I did nothing wrong. I did post something petty on my story. A photo of my friend with the caption "another fun date night". To specify a male friend. Who is also gay. He replied to the post saying " oh, OKAY". I immediately shut it down and told him the friend was gay. I posted the photo to get his attention, my intentions were malice.

I had already been trying to talk to him before I posted that photo but chose to ignore me. He wants me to know what's wrong as if I can read him mind. Like I should know what I am doing wrong because it is extremely obvious.

On the other note, I went out with some friends this weekend and somehow ended up making out with a hottie. I was very drunk and I guess he was too. We were dancing together and then he bought me water and a drink ( the drink was for my friend but I drank about half of it). Then he led me to the porch outside, to a secluded corner. He proceeded to unmask me and then leaned in for a kiss. His arms were on my body as my drunk mind tried to take in my first kiss with a complete stranger. Something I had always fantasized about when I was younger but had only attempted once when I was 19. ( I embarrassed the french boy with my forwardness and his response was to reject my kiss. He did try to meet up with me afterwords, but I had other stuff to deal with).
His lips felt big and soft and his tongue was fighting with mine. My mind thought it felt a bite so I bit back. He proceeded to kiss my neck. I tried hard not to moan but it felt amazing. However, there were other people on the porch with us and I was embarrassed. But I also loved the idea of being that girl with that guy that were just going at it in public. It made me feel so hot. But I still couldn't process it all in my drunken state. Did I enjoy this? It was intense and when my friend came to get me to tell us we were leaving, she had to pull me off his lips. So maybe that answers that question? He asked me on a date today. We have been texting since. He says he wants a relationship but he already lives an hour and a half away and when I move in December it will be closer to 3 hrs. Plus he's in the army. And we both have stuff going on till Nov 11, so our date will have to wait till then.

He said we can just see if we vibe or not with no pressure. So I guess we will see if this leads to anything. 3 weeks is a long time to wait on a date. So I might just never see him again. and I am okay with that.
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