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Emotional Mess by carol15
 
November 2019
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Tonight I miss you
November 16, 2019

There are 2 ppl I turn to when I'm sad and need someone. Both of them were unavailable when I called.
I screamed at him on my ride home that I hated him... Well by " screamed at him" I mean I screamed at the air but it was aimed at him.

I hate him for hurting me, I hate him because I know he will still be there if I go back. I hate him because he doesn't want me and is no good for me. I hate him because I miss him and it hurts to miss him. Because it makes me hate myself to miss him.

I want to message him, I want to see him, I want to touch him. I saw a photo of him on my phone the other day I forgot about and today when I got horny I pulled it out and masturbated. I want him. I want him so much it hurts because I cannot have him. Because I can not message him.

I was so angry that the idea of sucking another man's penis and sending him a video sounded very satisfying. But I realized that was self-destructive and a horrible idea. Plus the guy whose penis I would use probably wouldn't have appreciated it. Most guys wouldn't care, but I think he would...

I'm just tired of thinking about you, Less and less every day but sometimes, like today, I am overwhelmed by missing you.

I just need to make it through tonight and tomorrow will be better. tomorrow I will let go. Just need to refrain from messaging you... one night...

 
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