November 15, 2019
I haven't messaged you in 2 weeks. Sometimes I want to because I miss what I felt or because I am horny af.
I love you... I loved you. I never said it in person for fear that you would say it back because you felt that you needed to not because you meant it.
You told me you figured I loved you after I texted how I felt. It seemed to make you happy to know how I felt. It made you want to lose me less. I'm not sure what me loving you had to do with anything.
The sex was different, you wanted to please me and focus on me getting mine. I loved it, It was amazing even though sometimes it was awkward. You would ask me if I wanted something and I would reply if you didn't then that's fine. and you would say that that means that I do want it...
Anyway, there were a few awkward moments like that. But you wouldn't give me that courtesy with other things. Things outside the bedroom.
I want to text you every now and again but I don't because there is no point.
Soon I won't think about you or desire you as much. You will always be a big part of my life even though it ended in pain. I have a feeling that there is still one more chapter left in our book. It'll be a short chapter if it does exist. Maybe it's just the chapter where I finally fully let you go.
Idk, time will tell. There is no future here.