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Emotional Mess by carol15
 
November 2019
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Oh, Therapy
November 8, 2019

My therapist has brought up cognitive dissonance and different types. I realized that one that I do the most is labeling. Which is putting negative labels on yourself or others. He wanted me to jot down a time I noticed that I do it and the situation around it, to try and dig deeper and get to the root of the issue.

Today my boss had me looking at a project file and wanted me to check the budget and make sure it was in the system/ print it out/ update it. So I checked the system and sure enough, the budget was there so I printed it out. and gave it to her. She dug slightly deeper and saw a note she wrote, and saw that there was a statement where the amount didn't match the budget.

I started kicking myself for not looking further, for not attempting to find the deficiencies in what was stated in the agreement documents vs the budget. And I told myself that I am dumb and that I need to do better and wondered if it was because I was lazy.

I dug deeper and my mind went to what if I am in the wrong field. Maybe I'm not as detailed oriented as I should be to be an accountant. What if I am going down the wrong road... Have I made a mistake...

Am I good enough?

It's a downward spiral.

When discovering which cognitive dissonance I used most I kept a tally mark for a day. It made me realize all the negative things I said about myself. When I saw my therapist yesterday he mentioned that those things I say to myself probably hurt my self-esteem. I hadn't made that connection...

It's definitely something I need to work on.


 
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