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Emotional Mess by carol15
November 2019

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This is it...
November 1, 2019

"It's over. I'm done." Two short sentences, simple enough...

"I love you" another short sentence...

Both super powerful and yet hard to do/say.

"I love you." I said to him... " It's over. I'm done" Is what I said today... I'm scared that like I always I will come back to you without you putting any effort. Just because "I miss you". Something that I don't say to someone I'm dating unless it means something. Those words may not mean much to most ppl but it means a lot to me.

I haven't seen you in 5 months, I want to see you, I want to touch you. I want to put my head to your chest. I want your lips on mine as you fuck me.

I want to learn everything about you and how you grew up. I want to be yours and I want you to be mine. In the way that matters, emotionally.

You meant so much to me for so long but I also feel like you never really cared, and you didn't care to show me how you cared for me. It seems like now you care even less. You don't respect me, maybe part of it is my fault because I let things slide.

I let you treat me like shit because I thought " what if". That's not reality though. Reality is that we are toxic for each other and that I have to let go and move on. If I don't let go I will never find the right person. I may not find that person regardless but I don't want to hurt the rest of my life as you continue on with yours. Maybe finding another woman that isn't me. Being consumed with jealousy. I have to walk away now, maybe later than it should be, but I finally am here where I need to be. I'm ready to let go. I'm ready and with that I say,

It's over. I'm done.
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