August 20, 2019
Sometimes I just want to die...
I have no rational reason to feel this way. but sometimes I can't bear the stress that I have on my shoulders to be better, to do better, to wake up in the morning and keep taking steps to success. I keep wanting to run away from everyone I know, but at the same time all I want is someone to spend my time with..
So I want to die because I'm lonely?
No, It's more than that. I feel that I am alone because I am inadequate. Maybe I'm ugly, maybe I'm stupid, maybe i'm not funny enough, or witty or maybe my self doubt and desperation to be liked seeks through and everyone can smell it. It wreaks and they want to stay as far away from me as possible..
I know none of the above is true.. but I feel so alone and... and maybe I'm depressed...
Yet that can't be right. I get up and I go to work and then I got to class and then I continue classwork..
I need to do more stuff for just me perhaps..
I feel better after typing all that out. maybe I just need to write in here more often.