August 13, 2019
I'm lonely, no close friends in my immediate area. and even closer to my friends I only have 3 I consistently hang out with. I find myself by myself all the time. I also find myself telling myself that I'm lame that I have no life. Granted once classes get started, I know I won't have much free time. I get excited throwing myself into studying and enjoying my free time on netflix. Which is much needed after the weeks I tend to have.
I don't want to feel sorry for myself because I am improving myself.. but I also wish I had someone to spend time with. Not necessarily a lover, but just a female who I can eat junk food with and watch movies/ listen to music.
Being on school breaks tend to make me somewhat depressed. I did however start a new job. My first Accounting job! Which is super exciting. I'm only part time but this is the beginning of my career as I start grad school and study for the cpa( haven't thrown myself into it like I need to).
I am going to try to keep my legs closed for a while. Mostly because the last time I had sex I couldn't help but think about an ex lover.. well not only think about it but whisper his name under my breath and imagine the body that was between my legs being his. and even though this man had the biggest I've ever been with which felt amazing. But thinking about my ex lover made this experience feel so much better.
In my head I imagined my ex lover was somehow darker, and he had gained some weight making his body wider. I wanted my ex so bad inside of me.
Obviously all that is unhealthy and unfair to me and me fuck buddy. Granted he may not care, I need to pull myself together... I need time to let my ex go and eventually get back on a man. haha