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Emotional Mess by carol15
July 2017

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It's been a long month
July 31, 2017

It was my birthday a few weeks ago! i made time to go out with friends and have a good time. I went to watch girls trip last night and it was amazing. everyone in the theater was super into it, the enviroment in the theater was like no other i have experienced. The movie was lit and you wanted to get lit right there with them it was perfect.

My mind is scattered so excuse the mess lol

Today marked 2 years since my first day with a guy that i spent the last year and a half obsessed with. I had a souvenir from that date, it was a ticket for the picture that was taken before we got on the ride, if i got on the website and put in that pin the picture would still pop up... I found myself for the first time wanting to throw that away yesterday. i've been carrying it around in my wallet and i knew when i was ready to truly move on that would be trash...

My first move was to fold it as i debated whether i should hold onto it till i found time to burn it or tear it up and trash it. I went with the later. But then i decided i really did want to burn it is just what felt right, it felt like what needed to be done, it felt like doing it would be some sort of witch thing in which it would help me let him go. (i've been watching to much vampire diaries XD)
Anyway i got my candle and stuck it in the fire piece by piece.. or course it didn't all burn the way i would like, i had to be careful since i was doing it indoors and i'm a wuss, but i burned enough to feel satisfied then i peeled the pieces out with my tweezers and through the half burnt pieces in the trash. I had done it. I mean it felt one way to rip it and throw it away, but something made it more real when i burnt it, when there was no going back.
Yesterday when i held that unharmed ticket in my hands i cried out in fear. I held on so tight to something that was meaningless but for some reason it meant something to me. I reached out to 2 friends to let them know what i was doing and then after a few tears it was torn up and in the trash, after i burnt part of it, i hoped in the shower and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i shaved (This summer i have no shaved as much as i normally would, so it said something that i shaved and it had only been a week). I felt clean and soft and beautiful

I needed to type it all out so i would know how it felt, how i felt, this is real even if it doesn't feel like it is, I don't understand what finally made me feel the urge to destroy that little piece of paper that meant so much to me, but the fact is that it is done... that it is over. That's what i am taking from it.
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