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Emotional Mess by carol15
July 2017

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one step forward two steps back
July 2, 2017

Today i was off from work and i didn't have to baby sit. My first job in which i just work Friday and Saturday night always wears me out to where it is hard to get out of bed on Sunday, well it's that and the fact that there is no need for me too. Even tho it feels great to spend the day watching movies and at home i tend to feel somewhat guilty at the end of the day when i have done nothing... i mean i made my bed, like ten minutes ago! lol
but maybe i should have gone for a run, i definitely should have gone to the grocery store so i would have food for the week, or well something to make myself for lunch at my second job. But i'll find something as i go.
I watch movies and i hear people talk about there day and i wonder if it is just me that doesn't have energy for all this stuff or maybe they look at me and think the same thing.
This is my life : Mon work: 8am-4:30pm Tue work: 8am-330pm wed work :8 am-12 pm and Monday - Thursday i baby sit from 6 pm to an unset time. and i work Friday- Saturday from 3pm-1130pm. Written out with my 2 jobs it sounds like a lot because the schedule changes but it is only 35 hours total. and then when i baby sit it's as late as 10 but usually my dad gets home around eight. I try to go hiking on my days off but it's been raining so we have to cancel a lot.
But think about it, i baby sit part time and have 2 part time jobs aside that. some people work full time and are full time parents or caregivers of some sort, they go home and clean, cook, prepare for the next day. I live with my parents and although i do help out here and there and i do cook sometimes, it's not part of my responsibilities like it is to some people.

So am i lazy? do i just lack energy, or if i had the same responsibilities as others would i fallow through.

I enjoyed my day at home, even tho our house is hot and it is even hotter outside, but i still wonder the things previously mentioned.

Would anyone even be attracted to my life style?

And this is where it turns into me wanting to find a man haha.

I'm lonely and that's to be expected but wanting someone specific and wanting them for as long as i have without them tossing me even breadcrumb... well that's just unrealistic.
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