January 29, 2017
So recently i have decided to make some changes. i had been realizing some things in my life were off inclusing the way i felt about myself... one of the more drastic changes i am making is distancing myself from someone i refer to as my best friend. I don't likek or apprechiate the way she has made me feel. i have been feeling terrible about myself as it is and i do not need someone's whose opinion i ccare about to do nothing but continue to fuel the way i had been feelign about myself. It's hard tho.. i know she knows i have been trying to distance myself, she is doing the same thing from me i can feel it... it's hard.. 9 years of freindship gone... and it hurts.. but i already feel a huge weight being lifted from my shoulders. my posture has gotten better. But i miss her, and i don't have many friends.
I'va managed to delete her number, unfollow her on instagram and delete her on snapchat.. i still haven't taken her off of fb tho... that one is a bit more complicated it seems.. or so i feel anyway.
Admittably the change in my attitude has a bit to with school starting back up and having a new job and a form of income puts a purpose back into my life. i am more busy than ever this semester and am going to be pushing my limits. I like the challenge.
Another part of changes is cutting out guys that just want sex and that i want more from.. well that part wasn't part of the change actually.. it just happened on a drunken night that i realized the idea of the guy being with someone else maybe feel some sort of way... well i told him i wanted more and that i knew he didn't want that so that we should go our seperate ways.. this was a few weeks ago.. the other day he readded me on snapchat which i told him not to do.. and i knew he missed me and i asked and he confirmed what i thought i knew. i told him i didn't know what to say.. and he told me to tell him that i miss him too.. to get to the point he wants to work for a relationship.. but idk if i can, he lacks the ability to give me the attention i desire and i question whether i am just super needy or if i am being sane wanting the attention that he is not givingme.. we literaly agreed to give it a try and then i heard nothing from him. am i suppose to go weeks without hearing from him? i get being a bad texter and i get being busy.. he is a full time student and he works and he is on the verge of graduating.. so he is definatly under pressure... would i be over reacting if i just say for get about it... even though we have known each other for months we don't know each other that well.. he could try.. but he is not.. so i guess i have my answer there huh?