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Emotional Mess by carol15
January 2017

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January 3, 2017

So it's the beginning of a new year, i feel no particular way about it for once, just another change to the number in the date is all, and it's just that much closer to having to make some decisions in my life. needless to say i'm scared, i'm unmotivated (which may explain my attitude towards the new year), and i'm really looking forward to starting this semester it is going to be a challenge.. i need a challenge, hopefully i don't become uninterested half way through tho.
I also start my new job doing taxes next week.. or well if everything goes well i do, sadly it is only a seasonal job.. so i am going to need to continue to look for employment.i think the last week of march would be a good time to toss my application everywhere. seeing as the season ends April 17...
I'm looking forward to getting income and having something other than school to worry about. but i know the first few weeks i prob won't get many hours.. i just hope the investment i put into this pays out in the end. i would hope during this season of course, but maybe learning this knew skill, or well having the experience will do me good.. maybe even look good on my resume.
I'm debating if i should transfer to the university in the fall instead of next spring semester... if i wait then i will have my associates.. but i feel stuck in this small town, i have my friends.. and i love them.. but i feel like a particular friends just likes to walk over me.. i know we have been friends for at least 7 years... but her and her boyfriend keep insulting me.. and they will talk about me in front of me as if i am not even there. i just feel like the only reason she has me around is to not be lonely and she knows that if she calls me and i am not busy i will come.
i am that's not the only reason i want to leave... my fam is in debt, and i mean i know going off too school and taking out loans will put more on my shoulders.. but right now i am in school.. and i can't do much to help them out.. the thing is part of me wants to drop out and help my parents.but i know i am doing this for me and if i do that i will regret it... it stresses me out tho. but my parents are still going to put money into buying a business location putting them in more debt.. it makes me mad.. i understand why they do it... but it's hard.. at least my dad worked for the pass 6 months.. but because it is in the winter season they had to let him go, and i realize that since neither of my parents have a high school diploma it's harder to find a job.. and there are other factors.. so i understand why they want to purchase this location.. and i know it will benefit us in the long run... but i am putting the weight on my shoulders and it shouldn't be.. or should I? idk.. it's hard watching this.. i don't want to anymore.
I stress myself out honestly
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