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April 19, 2021

I will say I've experienced grand parent death at different stages of my life.

And this one is the calmest I have ever felt.

Mind you Agnes, my dad's mom died when I was 14. She was on vacation. The week before she died my mom fought with me to go see her before she went away. I cried like a baby when she passed because I felt bad that I refused to go see my grandparents before they went away.
That was October 1995. She was only 59.


Phyllis, my moms mom went next in 2005. She took a month to die. Which took a toll on our family. The last time I saw her she was walking to the doctors and I was on a bus, she didn't see me but I saw her. She had a massive stroke. She refused to be put on a ventilator, but it took her what felt like forever to pass away. She said she didn't want me there... Or my brother...but I desperately wanted to see her and when I finally got the clearance to go, she passed away. I had to have permission from everyone no one wanted me there or my brother but we were on the cusp of 24 and 25,we should have been able to say good bye.

Alexander, my moms dad died two years later his body just kinda shut down or he was heart broken I dunno... But he didn't let us come around then either. He died on Feb 27 2007 between my brother and uncles birthdays... I cried but not much I didn't like him a lot.

Len my dads dad is who died last week.
I wish I spent more time with him. And I was angry I wouldn't get to say good bye.
Then my dad snuck me in...

❤️ I've literally got no tears ❤️🎉

The point tho is that my two cousins who are closest to him are mud 20s they didn't get to say bye..

My uncle should have let them
The guilt they will feel will hurt for so long.
 
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