|Thoughts in the wee Hours/Where are all the Answers?|
April 9, 2019
I couldn't sleep, so I wrote what was churning around in my head/my heart:
"On this stilled early morning before dawn I am sitting in pensive silence, wondering, waiting, hoping for understanding. It seems that everywhere I look those I love and cherish are facing such huge trials and challenges that seem almost beyond understanding. Why, I find myself wondering, must so many be in such turmoil? Why can we not find the joy that is ours if we simply open our eyes, our ears and listen to the silence, to the beauty that surrounds us even in the invisible realm?
"Where are the answers?" my wondering mind cries silently. How can I help all those who are experiencing pain and hardship and self doubt and fear? What powers might I employ to relieve these precious souls who are so dear to my heart of their burdens and woes and fears?
It occurs to me that my only real fear these days is not knowing what to do to bring true joy to the ones I love. I reach out as often as I am able and remind each of them of this great love that lives inside of me for each one in my realm of existence and yet, still--they each have their hardships they must face and endure and survive. And I know not how to ease the pain they feel, how to guide and nurture them along this winding path of infinite possibilities. Even I find myself lost on this path at times...seeking guidance from whatever spirit guides, angels, god or brethren who might reach out to help in my time of need.
What is it inside of me that aches so desperately to see smiles on the faces and in the hearts of my loved ones? Why does their suffering cause me to lose sight of my own inner joy???
Is it the helplessness I feel for not having the true power to wave away their troubles, their fears, their pains? I pray and do my best to believe that my prayers are helping, that my gratitude for whatever help is coming will shine an abundance of blessings on the ones I love and hold dear--but wait...it's not just the ones in my own personal realm...I find myself aching to help them all...the lonely souls on the street, the misguided politicians who are shaping our country's soul, the sick and injured and traumatized...and it is with that realization that it hits me how very powerless I really am...HOW CAN I HELP THEM ALL???
Another question, "Why doesn't everyone on this planet want to reach out and help others? Why?"--If only, only we could all see how precious we each are, how beautiful and intricate and amazing we all are--if we could ALL see that wouldn't this world be a better place??
How do I reconcile my inability to help? Sometimes I find myself wanting to just sit down and cry until my tears run dry--but then I have to wonder, "how will that help me or anyone else?"
I keep searching for answers, for help, for guidance. I don't know how to stop searching. Surely one day my search will prove fruitful and somehow, someway I will have found a true path to helping all those I love who are in need..."