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A Shamrock in Bloom ~ by Shamrock
 
April 2019
13Saving Grace


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Saving Grace
April 13, 2019

I am cursed with a few character traits that people close to me think make me “sweet”.
Ugh.
When I say I care,I care so deeply . I do not walk away from a hurt being. I cannot forget any person, place, or thing that has affected my heart - good and bad .
Although I do not walk around carrying the weight in my everyday face, it’s here inside, I hurt! Truthfully I sometimes feel overwhelmed by the ugliness in the world. I can go on Facebook without seeing dogs being tortured , people being narcissistic ... it bothers me too much. Why can’t I just enjoy my new grand babies and ignore all the other stuff? Because I can’t. I’ve got this one life. I’ve had plenty of joys , and failures. I don’t mind, as long as I don’t feel too often that I want to just stop. I have wondered how I can wake up and see any more bad stuff... but then there’s the good. My sons, my dog, my dads friends in Vermont... people I call friend . One is in Scotland. I’m not sure he believes in me...,but I believe in him!
I am more like my mum than I thought I was . I let her in. Thanks mum
I now understand my mum more than I ever did. Isn’t it sad to now see her.. 5 years tomorrow that she’s passed.
Ahh, she sees me.
She hears me.
I believe that.
My sweet lil puggle, Lily was a tiny 2 lb pup when I got her to curl under mums good hand. She stayed there as long as I was there everyday for no less than 5 hours. What a dog... now 10, and needs steps to get on the bed. I’ll do anything for her💕🐾
When my mum first saw her.. she was so filled with joy. She asked me “ is she mine?”
“Yes mum.. she is ours”
Oh, was she happy!!!
Lily knew her condition. She was/is the most gentle sweet thing..

Two years after mum passed, August of 2016, my dad didn’t want to be alone anymore.
Well, here I was alone with this big house. My 2 sons who were still home had their rooms upstairs and I had 2 empty bedrooms still. So I made the end room the nicest of all for dad. He’s got everything needed to be comfortable and himself. I put my mums antique desk in his room. Mum got that desk for her 7th Christmas and wrote letters to her uncle on it. Now dad writes to his best friend Curt Whiteway , still going at 95 in Vermont.
Still, he’s contented, but not happy. That made me sad. But then dad told me.. he would have been happy if he could have the house he built for his family there on Revere Beach where we were sooo lucky to live I had the best life on the ocean, so I get it. He misses mum too.
Of course. And that’s his happy place.
So he remembers.
I remember., and life goes on.
I have framed the best pictures of his memories for his walls.

I do too much of the what if thinking.
I feel sadness for too many things. I guess humanity would be one word to sum it up.
Why do people hurt eachother? Why do humans hurt animals?
Life shouldn’t be so hard . Gee, we get this one chance... ONE!
Why do I feel more often than not that I’m messing it up, or missing out?
My mum would be proud of me tho, I know that.
So I suppose it’s how we go forward dad and I ... not complete , but, saving Grace.

💞Miss you mum💞
Grace Ann Donnelly
3/22/30 ~ 4/14/14

 
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